In our first installment, we will take a look at descriptions of the show America's Funniest Home Videos. This will be easy because the show comes on at least twice a day across four different channels (ABC, Peachtree TV, WGN, and Family) on Comcast in Atlanta. The descriptions of AFV on Comcast's guide are oftentimes funny and cryptic, like this one from January 8th, 2009 on WGN:
Screaming amusement park riders; funny dogs; babies and kids doing funny things.
What can you do with these delightfully random descriptions? Turn them into beautiful poetry, of course! All of the poems below are composed entirely of actual descriptions from the guide that have not been edited in any way except for the addition of a few line breaks and some new punctuation:
ABC on January 11th, 2009
Basketball bloopers
and amazing shots;
a smiling dog;
crying quadruplets
soothed by the voice of Johnny Cash
and a man's cosmetic attention
to his eyebrows.
WGN on January 12th, 2009
A monkey rips off a woman's wig.
A man tries to eat a huge clam
and spits it up.
Family Channel on January 13th, 2009
A rat
attacks a doll;
A dog
retrieves a ball;
A new father
faints in the delivery room;
A toddler
resembles his goateed uncle.
Also:
mouse-catching shenanigans.
WGN on January 13th, 2009
A squirrel gets caught on a spinning bird feeder;
a toddler falls into a basket of easter eggs.
Family Channel on January 13th, 2009
A man is caught
with more
than his guard down
in an out of control flying harness.
A beat cop literally hits the streets.
A woman struggles to remove
a facial mask.
Family Channel on January 16th, 2009
A child gets emotional
when others sing;
another youth's joy over a gift
is short lived.
A 3 year old belts out a tune.
WGN on January 19th, 2008
A little girl tries to box up
her brother for mailing.
A kid can't wait
until cookies are done.
A man gives his baby a pacifier
that looks like a rat.
Also: A wayward limo driver.
Family Channel on January 20th, 2009
A wild amusement park ride!
An ostrich that swallows a wedding ring!
A woman who burns a shirt while ironing!
And a close encounter
with a donkey.
WGN on January 9th, 2009
People react
to fake winning lottery tickets.
A woman loses her dentures
while trying to blow out
candles on a birthday cake.
A dad falls off a playground merry go round.
(Comedy)
I think the WGN descriptions have a zen-like quality to them while the Family Channel offerings seem to speak more to the modern human condition.
3 comments:
See, this is why we're friends. I still get a laugh out of the memory of an AFV (shouldn't it be AFHV, by the way?) description I saw 2 years ago. It said "A montage of cats set to music." And I'll be damned if there wasn't a montage of cats set to music. And it was HILARIOUS.
Nice post, know that you have a new reader.
Bit of advice, put the http:// before on facebook to make it a link, and a lot more people click on it.
my god you crack me up!
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