2. And on the seventh day, God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.
3. And on the eighth day, God reclined on his IKEA Ektorp leather sofa and turned on his television, but yea verily there was nothing to watch and God saw that this was not good.
4. And God said, let there be Vh1: and there was Vh1.
5. And God saw Vh1, that it was good: and God divided Vh1 from the human brain so that his people may watch unburdened by complex thought.
6. But Vh1 was without form, and void: and darkness was upon the face of the screen. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the network.
7. The Lord God formed The Surreal Life of the dust of the ground, and breathed into its nostrils the breath of celebreality and The Surreal Life became a living soul.
8. And God blessed The Surreal Life, saying, be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the airwaves and the cable boxes, and let the spirit of celebreality multiply the earth: and it was so.
9. And The Surreal Life begat The Surreal Life 2; And The Surreal Life 2 begat The Surreal Life 3.
10. And on The Surreal Life 3, God saw Flavor Flav.
11. And the Lord God said, it is not good that this man should be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.
12. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Flav, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
13. And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man, and the woman was called Brigitte Neilsen, and God saw that she was good.
14. And in this way, The Surreal Life 3 begat Strange Love.
15. But the bond between Flav and Neilsen was weak and infirm and not meant to last, for he required the love of many women, and God saw this, and saw that it was good and so God said, let there be sluts: and there were sluts.
16. And thus Strange Love begat Flavor of Love; and Flavor of Love begat Flavor of Love 2; and Flavor of Love 2 begat Flavor of Love 3.
17. And on Flavor of Love 1 and Flavor of Love 2, God saw Tiffany "New York" Pollard.
18. And the Lord God said, it is not good that this woman should be alone; and God said, let there be tools: and there were tools.
19. And thus Flavor of Love begat I Love New York and God saw that this was good.
20. And I Love New York begat I Love New York 2.
21. And after I Love New York, God looked upon his tools and saw that three very important tools were without love and this was not good.
21. For the tools Real and Chance, I Love New York begat Real Chance of Love, and the tools embarked to find love.
22. For the tool Brett Michaels, I Love New York begat Rock of Love, and the tool Michaels embarked to find love.
23. And Rock of Love begat Rock of Love 2; and Rock of Love 2 begat Rock of Love 3: Rock of Love Bus.
24. Meanwhile, The Surreal Life 3 begat The Surreal Life 4.
25. And God saw Christopher Knight and Adrienne Curry on The Surreal Life 4 and saw that their love was real and true; and this was good.
26. And thus The Surreal Life 4 begat My Fair Brady; and My Fair Brady begat My Fair Brady: We're Getting Married!; and My Fair Brady: We're Getting Married! begat My Fair Brady . . . Maybe Baby?, and God saw that this was good.
27. Also, The Surreal Life 4 begat The Surreal Life 5, which begat The Surreal Life 6, which begat The Surreal Life: Fame Games
28. And God saw The Surreal Life 4 and saw Verne Troyer urinate from his scooter onto the floor of the weight room, and God saw that this was very, very good and also unbelievably hilarious.
29. God did not see The Surreal Life 5, The Surreal Life 6, or The Surreal Life: Fame Games, but assumed that they were not very good.
30. Meanwhile,the sluts and tools had fallen on hard times.
31. The slut New York needed money and wanted to start a real career, so I Love New York begat New York Goes to Hollywood; and New York Goes to Hollywood begat New York Goes to Work.
32. The slut Daisy was a marginally interesting but horribly unattractive contestant on Rock of Love 2; God saw Rock of Love 2 and decided that she still deserved love despite her off-putting appearance, and thus Rock of Love 2 begat Daisy of Love.
33. The rest of the sluts splintered into three clans. Charm School 1 would include those from the first two Flavors of Love and would be ruled by Mo'Nique; Charm School 2 would include those from the first two Rocks of Love and would be ruled by Sharon Osborne; Charm School 3 would include those from Rock of Love Bus and Real Chance at Love and would be ruled by Ricki Lake; God saw all of this and saw that it was good, but not great.
34. But the clans could not survive without men, so they banded together and created a breeding ground for new tools and they called this Tool Academy.
35. And God saw a clip from Tool Academy on The Soup and it was good.
36. And thus the tools and sluts flourished for many years.
37. But as a result of their prosperity, they soon became idle and restless and God saw that this was dangerous, so he culled the most physically able and mentally gifted from their ranks and brought them together to live far away on a remote island with the black Jeff Probst and thus Flavor of Love, I Love New York, Rock of Love, and Real Chance of Love all begat I Love Money.
38. And I Love Money begat I Love Money 2 and Myammee won and God saw this and it was good.
39. Elsewhere, I Love New York was espoused to Flavor of Love, but before they came together, I Love New York was found with child.
40. Then Flavor of Love, her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily.
41. But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Flavor of Love, thou son of The Surreal Life, fear not to take unto thee I Love New York thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.
42. Now all this was done, that is might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying,
43. Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son.
44. Then Flavor of Love being raised from sleep, did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife:
45. And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name For The Love of Ray J.
46. And God saw For the Love of Ray J and became infuriated when Danger did not win but rather than strike down upon Cocktail with his vengeful wrath, he instead turned off the TV, brushed some Doritos crumbs off of his chest onto the floor, and then rollled over and slept for the rest of the night on the couch.
47. And the evening and the morning were the ninth day and God arose from his slumber on the couch and saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good indeed.
48. And God briefly considered going to the gym before getting high and watching a marathon of Wifeswap reruns on Lifetime for the remainder of the day instead , and that too was good.