RIP, "Swagger" 1590 - 2009

The word "Swagger," an oft-used verb and noun among speakers of the English language, died late Monday night on the popular television network NBC. It was 419 years old.

The Fulton County coroner ruled the death a homicide. "We found multiple contusions along the entire surface of the word," he said. "The injuries are consistent with those that have been found in other word homicides, most notably the tragic 'Bling' murders of aught-two. It would appear that Swagger had been wielded as a blunt object and used to repeatedly bludgeon something or someone, resulting in serious head trauma and internal bleeding to the word, which would eventually result in its death."

Although no arrests have been made at the time of this article, the location and time of death coincide with the 1,479,368th showing of a current AT&T commercial that features R&B singer Mary J. Blige holding various phones while her new single, The One plays in the background. Multiple sources familiar with the song have reported Blige employing the word in question in a clumsy manner similar to that described in the coroner's comments.

The timing of the death and the presence of Swagger in the song have led many to assume that Blige is culpable. At a press conference held Tuesday afternoon, Blige professed her innocence: "Let me break it down if you don't get it. Quality, I'm custom-fitted. I'ma say it again: they ain't go nothin on me, nothin on me."

Blige is not the first female R&B singer to come under fire for mistreatment of the word Swagger. The word was subject to a vicious March 2009 attack by Black Eyed Pea Fergie in the song Boom Boom Pow. Fergie's reported ham-fisted use of the word throughout the song allegedly led to injuries that would become exacerbated in the late summer Blige attacks.

In the wake of these two prominent attacks on the word, many hip-hop fans have called for a moratorium on the usage of current hip-hop slang by women above or approaching the age of 40. Proponents of this proposed measure point to the realtively good health of the word when it was employed by MIA in 2007's Paper Planes; she was 31 at the time the song was recorded.

Swagger was born in the year 1590 in Act 3, Scene 1 of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. The word was initially coined to describe a manner of walking characterized by a pompous or defiant air assumed by the walker. It later assumed a broader definition to encompass an individual's entire conduct rather than just his walk.

The word arguably achieved its greatest level of popularity when co-opted by the hip-hop community in the early 2000's. Swagger took on a positive connotation in this context rather than the somewhat negative context it had enjoyed previously. At the time of its death, the word was used not just to describe the physical behavior of an individual, but his entire character, with a particular emphasis on his confidence level and choice of shoes. The word first rose to widespread prominence with the release of Jay-Z's The Blueprint in 2001.

"After the death of auto-tune earlier this year, this almost seems like more than hip-hop can bear," said Jay-Z. "We will all have to band together to make it through these trying times."

President Obama released the following statement after hearing the news:

"As many of you know, Swagger was a very instrumental part of my Presidential campaign and I am deeply saddened at the news of its passing. Our thoughts and prayers go out to its family, friends, and the entire hip-hop community. Hopefully whoever perpetrated this vicious act will be brought to swift justice."

Rappers Jim Nastix and Curtiss Baker have set up a memorial to the deceased word that can be viewed here.

Swagger was survived by its parents, "Fresh" and "Ill", and its older sibling "Swag," who was also injured in the alleged Blige attacks and remains in critical condition at Grady Memorial Hospital.