See, I've been watching a lot of sports on television lately. The period between January and May is a murderers' row of must-watch sporting events. The season begins with college bowl games and the BCS championship, which dovetails with the NFL playoffs and the Super Bowl, which segues nicely into March Madness, which gives way to The Masters and baseball opening day, and culminates in the NBA playoffs. It's truly a great time to be a sports fan.
Since we only have one television in our house, it is also a great time for arguing over what to watch. All of these sporting events mean a lot less time for Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, and Glee (three shows that I absolutely despise); Cougar Town and How I Met Your Mother (two shows that aren't very funny but I grudgingly tolerate); and Gossip Girl (a show that I actually kind of like). Not to mention the fact that I have to fit in time for shows that I legitimately love (but she doesn't) like Lost, Treme, and The Challenge.
Accordingly, much bargaining and compromising and deal making has to occur in order to devise television schedules that will make both of us happy. The problem is that to many women, all sports are basically the same. Bill Simmons wrote about this beautifully in a column one time, but I'll try to paraphrase. Suppose you're watching a random regular season Hawks game on a Monday in March and get no complaints. Three days later, you want to spend all day and all night watching the first day of the NCAA tournament. Your girlfriend then says something like, "I don't understand why you have to watch that, you just watched basketball on Monday night."
It's hard to even begin to counter that statement. The first day of the NCAA tournament is literally one of the best days of the year to most serious sports fans, but this is difficult to explain to someone who doesn't follow sports. The confusion is compounded by the fact that you are a fan of the Atlanta Hawks, but are not a fan of any of the teams playing in the first round of the tournament. Also, you would've gladly skipped the Hawks game and watched Gossip Girl on Monday for the opportunity to watch the tournament on Thursday. It is a very intricate, nuanced situation that is steeped in tradition. You cannot blame your girlfriend for not understanding.
It is with these thoughts in mind and the desire to make television watching arguments simpler that I have created my very own Sports Fan Viewership Hierarchy. I've separated every meaningful sports event into levels based on how badly I want to watch each one. Levels Zero and One are completely nonnegotiable and can only be missed due to a death, potential death, or birth in the family.
Level Two events can theoretically be missed, but there had better be a wedding, an extremely attractive deal (for a guy in a relationship), or an extreme likelihood of getting laid as a result of missing the game (for a single guy). For example, I went wine tasting in Temecula during the Hawks' first playoff game this year. In return, I was able to watch every Hawks playoff game in its entirety for the rest of the playoffs, no questions asked. I felt like the back end of this deal was too sweet to pass up, plus I got a day of heavy drinking out of it. Win-win.
Levels Three through Seven contain a large variety of events that, for one reason or another, are missable to widely varying degrees. Before we get on to the list, I want to make clear that although this list is very specific to my own tastes, you can easily apply it to your own by substituting your favorite teams and sports for mine. To make this easier, here is a list of my teams in order of how much I care about them:
1. Georgia Bulldogs football - Serious, unhealthy, emotional levels of investment
2. (tie) Atlanta Hawks basketball / Atlanta Braves baseball - Lifelong fan of each regardless of quality of the team, will choose one over the other depending on the year
4. Atlanta Falcons football - Lifelong fan, but without the extreme emotional attachment of the top three
5. Georgia Bulldogs basketball - A fan because I went to school at Georgia. A few memorable moments, but my interest waxes and wanes based on the quality of the team.
6. Atlanta Thrashers hockey - Not really a fan at all, but willing to jump on the bandwagon if they are very, very good.
My favorite sports leagues:
1. NFL
2. NCAA football
3. NBA
4. NCAA Basketbal
5. MLB
On to the list . . . .
Level Zero: Must attend in person at all costs
- A football national championship game involving the Georgia Bulldogs
- An NBA Finals game seven in Atlanta
- A World Series game seven in Atlanta
Level 1: Literally unmissable
- An SEC football championship involving the Georgia Bulldogs with national championship implications
- Any NBA Finals or Eastern Conference Finals game involving the Atlanta Hawks
- Any World Series or National League Championship game involving the Atlanta Braves
- A Super Bowl or any playoff game involving the Atlanta Falcons
- A Final Four game involving the Georgia Bulldogs
Level 2: Unmissable with rare exceptions
- A bowl game or SEC championship game involving the Georgia Bulldogs without national championship implications
- Any Georgia Bulldogs regular season football game with national championship or SEC championship implications
- Any Georgia Bulldogs regular season football game against Florida, Georgia Tech, Auburn, Tennessee, Alabama, South Carolina, or other ranked opponent regardless of championship implications
- Any round one or two NBA playoff game involving the Atlanta Hawks
- Any divisional round MLB playoff game involving the Atlanta Braves
- The first Atlanta Braves game of the year
- The first Atlanta Falcons game of the year
- Any round 1-4 NCAA basketball tournament game involving the Georgia Bulldogs
- Any SEC championship or semi-final basketball game involving the Georgia Bulldogs
- The first weekend of the NCAA basketball tournament
- A game seven in the NBA Finals
- Mayweather vs. Pacquiao level boxing matches
Level 3: Would really like to watch and will fight for the TV to do so
- Any Georgia Bulldogs football game not covered above
- A Georgia high school basketball playoff game involving the Wheeler Wildcats
- Any Atlanta Falcons regular season game
- The BCS championship
- The Sweet Sixteen or later in the NCAA basketball tournament
- Any NFL playoff game
- A game seven in the World Series
- The NBA Finals
- Masters Sunday when the outcome is in doubt
- Any iteration of the Real World/Road Rules challenge
Level 4: Non-Annual sporting events whose missability varies widely based on participants and circumstances
- The Olympics
- The World Cup & World Cup qualifying matches
- The World Baseball Classic
- Any Atlanta Hawks regular season game
- Any Atlanta Braves regular season game
- Any Georgia Bulldogs regular season basketball game
- An NHL finals involving the Atlanta Thrashers
- The World Series
- The Conference rounds of the NBA playoffs
- Any Saturday or Sunday at a major golf tournament
- Thursday or Friday of the Masters
- The semi-finals or later of Wimbledon when there's an American involved
- All professional all-star games
- The World Series of Poker
Level 6: Will watch if there's absolutely nothing else on
- An NHL playoff game involving the Atlanta Thrashers
- Prerecorded sumo tournaments
- Strongman competitions
- Friday Night Fights on HBO
- Random MMA fights
- Thursday or Friday at a major golf tournament
- The championship of a major tennis tournament
Level 7: Will watch in person but will never watch on TV
- Any NHL game not covered above
- NASCAR races
The aforementioned girl that I live with will be happy to know that (barring a game seven of the NBA finals), there will not be a Level Zero, One or Two game until Saturday, September 4th. Go Dawgs.
2 comments:
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GO DAWGS!
My level zero includes a national championship football game involving the Georgia Bulldogs and badges to the Masters' tournament (if I don't have to pay for them).
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